dick's.

it still holds true. i hate my job. the work ethic of most of the people i work with is pitiful and just damn annoying! everyone takes short cuts and takes the easy way out. why? is it really that hard to do the right thing and make things look good?

i thank my parents for instilling the mindset i have about work. you get paid to do a certain job. you put in 100% and you do it right. florida's way of doing it makes no sense to me. and no one seems to take pride in their work. the work someone does is a reflection of them. why doesn't anyone get that? they're just making themselves look even worse than they already are!

on the 16th of april it will be one year since i started working for dick's sporting goods. part of me thinks it's time to move on to something better. i'm stuck in a deadend job.

one more thing.

there's one more thing i'd like to vent about.

how is it that there are some people in my family that consistently forget about me? there is only one day out of the year that i can truly call mine, and year after year i mean nothing to some people. it's really sad that it's always the same people.

you're only my family because we share blood. deep down i don't considering you family because i feel no love from you. i'm sorry i don't kiss your ass, but i have been nothing but respectful. i never thought i learned how to love from you, but in actuality i did... i learned to do the complete opposite of what you have EVER shown me!

i hate you for hurting me. and i hate me for letting you.

does anyone really read this?
eh. who cares.

i have another day off from work. another boring, worthless day. days off are supposed to be fun and productive. but because i am forced to live in silence, i can't get anything done. or relax and watch a movie. or even listen to music.

ick.

why did i do this? what am i getting out of being here? what's the benifit for me?

hurt. again.

it's been over two months since i've written in this thing, so i think it's about time.

i don't think i've ever felt so lonely in my life. i never thought this "journey" i decided to take would take such a toll on me. i wonder everyday if i made the right decision about moving here. i hate this place. i hate everything about it. i'd rather be stuck in the snow right now then go to the beach with someone who looks straight through me. i don't feel appreciated. i "never" clean up the kitchen. the apartment is a mess because I "never" clean up after myself. i should get stuff done after work because my job isn't as hard as your schooling is. screw you! there are times i can honestly say that i hate you!

what i'm doing for you means nothing. you say you understand but i promise you - you haven't got a clue!

home sweet home.

i just wanted to express to whoever the hell reads this thing [probably nobody] just how excited i am to be traveling back to the grove in illinois in roughly 11 or 12 days, depending how you look at it. i hate it in this state and i want this little "journey" to end. the people are awful and rude. the weather never changes. i need something different.

we [josh and i] have only been here for five months and i have about a year and a half left [guaranteed]. so basically - shoot me now.

grew some balls.

so i finally "grew some balls" and confronted the person that was hurting me. (refer to last post) they said sorry, i said sorry. but after i got off the phone, something didn't feel right. no genuine feelings where passed between us. i could just tell. we talked because we thought we HAD to talk. now, i know this person and i have only been friends through college. so it hasn't been that long at all. but i've always believed in the saying, "quality over quantity." and i always thought we spent some quality time together. shared some laughs, drank some wine, cried over boys. we were there for eachother. but i've closed that chapter in my life.

i'm glad i picked up that phone and confronted someone today. it's taught me that nothing beats the friends you can grow up seperately, but never grow apart from. i cherish everyone of of them.

i thank all of those friends. i hope you know who you are.

hurt.

my feelings are getting hurt and i don't like it. i know that i was never that good at keeping in touch with people. i'll be the first to admit that. but when i DO make the efforts with someone i would consider one of my closest friends, why don't they want to make that effort, too? i use multiple means of communication and no response from ANY of them. is it too late? are my efforts worthless because the other person has given up? it's pretty sad if that's true. like i said, i considered them one of the closest people to me. i thought no matter what, we could go on and do our own thing for a while, but still start up when we left off.

all i'm asking for is a response. life isn't THAT busy. you respond to everyone else.

strange.

so the other day, i believe it was last saturday, josh and i decided to sit by the pool to relax and read. little did we know we were walking into the STRANGEST day so far in florida. it started out okay. not too hot, some clouds. out of nowhere though this lady flies through the gate carrying enough coolers and tupperwear containers to feed a very large army. she starts screaming at her kids to start helping her, babies start crying. and josh and i just stare at eachother. WHAT IS GOING ON? so then the lady leaves the feast and pool area. finally, peace and quiet again. we continue to study our books. then this guy, thug lovin', walks in with shoes without laces, shorts that might as well be pants (of course showing is grey boxers), a wife beater shirt and a brand new hat, still with stickers and tags connected. mind you, this guy is whiter than snow... with no offense to anyone. right behind him is the baby girl that came in with the older lady at the beginning of this story. we later found out this little girl was thug lovin's baby. i feel SO sorry for this child.

to make a VERY long day a bit shorter - it turns out they were having a birthday party at our apartment complex's PUBLIC pool for a THREE year old and invited about FIFTY people. now, i'm turning 24 in a few months and i'll be lucky to have FIVE people out by that people celebrating. a THREE year old won't even remember it.

during this party adults were through a football in the pool splashing josh's computer and books and never once truely apologizing. you'd think ADULTS would have the courtesy to say they were sorry. while this was going on, a thirty-something old man pulled out a saprano saxophone and started a jam session of his own. to top it all off a clown walked in, gave a magic show, made some balloon animals and painted faces (at a pool party the painting of the faces makes NO sense to me).

need less to say, josh got NO studying done and we walked home speechless.
these floridians are from another planet! sorry if this store is all over the place, but that DAY was all over the place. can't wait to move somewhere where people are normal and clowns don't show up to a pool party.

mine!

i've had many blogs... xanga, myspace, aol, even another one on blogger. but i guess i just want to start over. i like blogs because it's a way to talk to yourself. if you can't say it to yourself you shouldn't be saying it. blogs are a way to express yourself. it's your own! no one can tell you what to say or how you should say it. express it in your own way.

so here is goes again.

my own expression.